What I Wore with Giulia – Putting Your Breast Foot Forward

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Hi! I’m Giulia Rozzi, a very stylish fauxshionista. I came up with this great original never-been-done-before idea: post pics of me in my favorite outfit of the week! I hope my wardrobe inspires you as much as I have inspired me and myself.

This week’s outfit of the week really made my week less weak and more of a good week that I liked more than other weeks. The day I wore this get-up I was walking to the bank and a homeless man screamed “SEXY” then blew his nose into his hand. I still got it!

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Bodysuit: American Apparel

Skirt: Silence & Noise

Here’s the thing with bodysuits; with the right high-waisted skirt they can look amazing. They contour curves nicely and almost work like a cotton corset minus the rib crushing. The best part, let’s say you’re in a cafe and Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” starts to play, you can tear off your skirt, reveal your leotard style and finally show off those skills you learned in your college modern dance class.

The negatives about bodysuits? Peeing. Either you have to strip down to use the toilet and be one of those weirdos who goes to the bathroom naked OR you have to slid the crotch of the bodysuit over and pee sorta sideways and hope you don’t spray on yourself. If you’re a public restroom squatter this is especially challenging. Thank God I wasn’t wearing a bodysuit at my 10 year high school reunion where I started the night by drinking an entire bottle of Prosecco before arriving at the party and ended the night by pulling down my pants and pissing on the street in front of all the “popular boys.” Go BHS Marauders!

But as long as my boobs remain this perky without a bra, I’m gonna keep wearing bodysuits because smelling like urine is a small price to pay for fashion.

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Necklace: Vintage, my mom’s

My mom used to wear this floral bird pendant as a pin which I stuck onto a gold chain and turned it into my new favorite accessory. It’s so boobiful. I mean, beautiful. I mean, hey boys look at my boobs. Did I mention they are bra-less?

They are not however hair-less. I always say “God is fair” he gave me perky breasts (sweet!) and Italian follicles so strong that the second I pluck a hair, there is an understudy eager to take its place (gross!). However instead of nipple hair, I like to think of it as a gorgeous areola scarf that my ancestors knitted for me.

But enough about my chest. I really just want men to like me for my brain, that is inside my pretty head, that is right above my really nice tits.

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Wristlet: Coach

My friend gave me this as a gift, I think she stole it. Don’t worry she didn’t like steal it from like a person but like from like the company. (#OccupyWallSt) I hadn’t used it in about a year and inside found $5 (score!) and a drug store receipt for a pregnancy test AND condoms (#poetic).

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Bracelet: NYC street fair?

Ugh, sometimes my iPhone camera takes terrible fuzzy pics and sometimes it takes insanely clear pics of my arm fuzz. (NOW YOU KNOW WHAT MY BOOBS LOOK LIKE) I think I got this bracelet at a street fair in Manhattan. Street fairs are one of my favorite things about summers in the city. NYC can be a hard place to exist so you gotta find joy where you can. I really want to open up a panini shop in Union Square called D. Pressed where people can come on their lunch breaks to eat hot sandwiches and cry.

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Boots: Miss Sixty

My sweet Nonna (grandmother in Italian) who I loved so much passed away in 2007. I wanted to be by her side as she laid in hospice care but she insisted I go on my already scheduled trip to Los Angeles. I had been crushing on these Miss Sixty boots for months but didn’t want to spend $300 on them, and even if I did, every store was sold out. I had been traveling and checked shoe shops in Boston, New York, and Las Vegas with no luck. Two days after I landed in LA I got the news that my Nonna was gone. On my way to the airport I had time to waste and so I went into a store and they just happen to have these boots, one pair left, in my size, and on sale for $120. I knew my Nonna had sent them to me. My Nonna was an angel and her first order of business was not to feed the hungry or to heal the sick, but give her bratty granddaughter a pair of boots that her granddaughter immediately damaged because her granddaughter was too lazy to treat them with waterproofing spray. I love you Nonna!

-Giulia

BTDUBS

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