What I Wore With Giulia: 5 Fashion Trends That Are Dumb

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Hi! I’m Giulia Rozzi, a very stylish fauxshionista. I came up with this great original never-been-done-before idea: post pics of me in my favorite outfit of the week! I hope my wardrobe inspires you as much as I have inspired me and myself.

I think after a few months of blogging about fashion we can all agree I am the top #1 best style expert ever, so when I don’t like a fashion trend NO ONE SHOULD LIKE THAT FASHION TREND. Here are 5 items (listed in no particular order of stupidity) that I will never wear and neither should you.

1. Gladiator Sandals

               

What the fuck you guys? What the fuck are these things? Are your calves wild animals that need to be caged from looking attractive? These hideous shackles from Nordstrom cost $395. Ahem, THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE DOLLARS. Here’s a savings tip, if you really wanna rock the leg brace look, please throw yourself down a flight of stairs. Seriously what’s the difference between these two contraptions?                     

Ooooh so chic and covered by most medical insurances!

2. Flesh Color Leggings

A few months ago I followed a woman for 5 blocks trying to figure out if she was wearing flesh colored leggings or if she forgot to wear pants. She looked as though she was wearing a full body Spanx and it was not pretty. Flesh colored leggings look good on no one, I repeat no one, not even this fit, photoshopped model. They are scary and unflattering and make you look like you have a Barbie crotch.

I know there are some dudes who are into bare vaginas but this is taking it a bit too far. Bare vagina is different that invisible vagina. And with flesh colored leggings what you loose in vagina you will gain in ass.

3. Shutter Shades

Shutter Shades are gladiator sandals for your face. I’ve tried them on, you cannot see well through them. Do you think blind people appreciate people with properly working eyes voluntarily distorting their vision? Lucky for blind people they can’t see how douchey you look.

4. “Ugly” sweaters

“OMG I have the best idea for a holiday party…ugly Christmas sweaters!” Thanks to that super cool original not-at-all overdone party* idea, stores like Urban Outfitters sell thick oversized candy cane covered cardigans for $50 or more (when you can get them for a few dollars at a thrift store) and some girls pair these monsters with cute gold pants and booties even when they are not going to a theme party which then confuses innocent non-hipster bystanders (like my mom) with the idea that printed 80′s wool is in style again and they start to wear them un-ironically. Then I have to explain to my mom that ugly sweaters are only ok for young people and then my mom starts to cry because she thinks I’m calling her old and then we get into a long discussion about mortality and then I start to cry because I hate to see my mom cry and then my dad yells at me for making my mom cry and for not having a savings account and then I cry harder because I am like wicked good at crying and then we all eat biscotti together.

(*please invite me to your parties)

5. Turbans

Unless you’re Erykau Badu or a Kundalini yoga teacher or are going through chemo then, no.  The half tuban/headband look I can handle-

It’s cute and subtle and great for idiots like me who want push back their stupid fucking bangs they should have never cut again. But the full turban looks like you’re still drying your hair or had brain trauma.

I celebrated my 18th birthday by attempting to do 18 shots. Over the course of 6 hours I got to my goal and got sent to the hospital after cracking my head open on a desk when I fell and passed out. My parents were so proud when they got a medical center bill for their daughter’s head injury one month into her going away to college. Thankfully they did not need to shave my head to give me stitches, they did however wrap my head in multiple bandages which I had to wear around campus. I looked like a giant Q-tip, it was not fun. Ladies, don’t choose to look like a giant Q-tip.

That’s all for now, I’ll be back next week with more about me, a little about you, but mostly stuff about me. Byeeee!

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