Tom McCaffrey: DoucheChillz Movie Classics – the Vanilla Ice Movie



This week, Tom McCaffrey’s DoucheChillz Movie Classic features a clip from the Vanilla Ice movie, Cool As Ice.

Do I really even need to explain why the Vanilla Ice movie Cool as Ice  gives me douchechillz?

First of all his hair is an abomination. I don’t know how anyone greenlit this hairstyle. It literally makes it hard to concentrate on what is happening in the scene. It is the ultimate douchebag hairstyle and then Ice’s outfit is beyond words.

Why are there so many things written on his leather jacket? Was that ever cool? On the back it says “DOWN BY LAW.” What the fuck does that even mean? It’s like he heard that and decided it needed to be on his clothes. He’s supposed to be some sort of hip-hop James Dean or Elvis but he just comes off as a total dick.

He’s supposed to be tough but at one point he says “You’re a nerd.” Wow, those are tough words.

He’s not cool, he’s not tough, he’s not charismatic – he’s just rapping badly and dancing like a fucking dick. I’ve watched the entirety of the movie and it is mind-blowingly awful. You would assume that to reach the popularity that he reached Vanilla Ice would have some talent but he has absolutely no acting ability. He can’t say a three-word sentence without it sounding fake. He’s awful. Don’t believe me? Look at the Vanilla Ice career timeline and you’ll see that the Vanilla Ice movie was the last straw in his career. And he keeps saying he’s “the people’s choice.” Yeah I guess that’s why this film made 40 dollars.

-Tom McCaffrey

Tom McCaffrey is a comedian and regular contributor. Watch out for more hilarious video clips from Tom’s collection of DoucheChillz Classics. 

Check Tom’s previous reports on Wicker Man,  Ryan O’NealRambo and Dream a Little Dream.

View other film-related chillz.

Buy Tom’s stand up comedy album. It’s the funniest:

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