Ph.DBag Explains the Penis to Female Teen in His Mind


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Professors Do It With Class

Prof Mongo is the Dean of Gettin’ It On at DBag U (sorry, guys: not an accredited institution). Most colleges teach elitist liberal communists, but Mongo is for everybody. In this video, the good Professor fields questions from a young woman who might even exist. At least, we hope she does. It would be a shame for these insightful tidbits of sex advice to go to waste.

Ph.DBag DoucheChillz Features:

  1. Calls himself Professor.
  2. Boldly fabricated a letter supposedly from a teen fan that reads like a Mongo fantasy (dope!), not an actual teen girl reaching out (bo-ring!). “I am a succulent, ample breasted 18-year-old girl…my friends say I look a lot like LonelyGirl15.” (“Sweet!” he adds.) For extra chillz, imagine his titillation as he penned those words.
  3. Employs boinging boner sound effect, although does miss a great opportunity to get mileage out of Wayne’s World’s “Sha-winnng!”
  4. Cleverly points out that since the supposed letter writer is eighteen years old, it is legal to tell her he’d make “sweet love” to her  ”every single night, over and over again.”
  5. Serves up evergreen humorous insight that men think with their penises.
  6. Evokes the personality of a toddler when he slightly draws out first syllable of word “penis” at minute 01:02. Cute.
  7. Accessibly explains the male sex drive in the sing-song tone ones uses when reading a child the tale of The Three Little Pigs. “Since he’s a male, he has an organ that’s called a penis.”
  8. Cracks jokes about schoolboys covering boners with textbooks.
  9. Mentions Viagra for a quick gag.
  10. Wears sheepskin hat throughout video.
  11. Provides public service: If you were deprived of the “cool guy”  health teacher/family member who forwent an innocuous Birds and Bees metaphor in favor of keeping it real and offering frank talk of sexual desires, then Mongo’s here to fill in.

Douchepedia Classifications for Ph.DBag:

  1. Type THF: Thinks He’s Funny (link to Douchepedia entry)
  2. Type HBC: Hat-Based Courage (link to Douchepedia entry)
  3. Type: FPRTD: Fabricated Premise Reveals True Desires. (link to Douchepedia entry)

Chillz Quotables:

“Since you’re 18, I can legally say this..”

“Enjoy the youth in that penis.”

Youtube Response Stand Outs:

Screencap of Youtube Comments on ph DBag's Sex Advice Video


Professor Mongo Ph.Dbag maintains a youtube channel with a variety of original content addressing sexual, political, and entertainment material.  He boasts a relatively low view count at the time of this post. DoucheChillz hopes that if his audience does grow, he will stay true to Mongo and continue to provide DoucheChillz with gems like the one above.

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